(WhatsApp
Jokes Part-I)
Dad entered Son’s room
and found him asleep on his books, tired of exam studies. He walked closer to
him..
and played with his hair
softly, sweetly
and….
BAAANNNG $%^&*
Slapped his face…
and said:
“Last seen on whatsapp 1
minute ago”
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Ladki wale(ladke se):
Beta kya kerte ho…? Ladka: jee, Chief administrator Hun.
Ladki wale (khush
hokar): Kaun si company mein beta…?
Ladka: WhatsApp per 2
Groups aur Facebook per 3 Pages ka Admin hun..
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Taj Mahal ko dekh kar
bola shahjahan ka pota..
Taj Mahal ko dekh kar
bola shahjahan ka pota..
Aaj apna bhi bank
balance hota
Agar dada aashiq na
hota!
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Aaj phir hamare group ke
admin ne kamaal kar diya…
Wo savere savere bank me
jaakar so gaya…
kyunki, waha likha tha
ki
“Yaha Sone par loan diya
jaata hai”
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Admin ke hath mein naya
phone dekhkar Dost bola:
Naya phone kab kharida?
Admin: naya nahin hai,
girfriend ka hai!
Dost: Girlfriend ka
phone kyun le aaya!
Admin:
Roj kehti thi, mera
phone nahin uthate, Aaj mauka mila.. Utha laaya…
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Hamare whatsapp group
Admin bachpan se hi kitne buddhiman hain iska ek pratyaksh udaharan:- Jab wo
kaksha 5 mein the, to unke shikshak ne kaksha mein puchha:
Senior aur Junior mein
kya antar hai?
Keval admin ne hath
khada kiya..
Shikshak ne kaha:
Shabbas beta, Batao?
Admin: Sir jo samudra ke
paas rehta ho wo senior (see-near),
aur Jo chidiyaghar ke
pass rehta ho wo Junior (zoo-near)!
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Whatsapp group mein maun
rehkar,
Sirf messages padhne
walo ke liye
Zabardast offer!!!…
Bhootpurva PradhanMantri
Shri Manmohan Singh ji
Apna whatsapp group bana
rahe hain..
.
Kripaya turant JOIN kar
lein!!!
“First come first serve
only!” 
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WhatsApp chhote bachho
ke diaper ki tarah hota hai… .
Hota kuchh nahin,
Lekin har 5 minute me
check karna padta hai!
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Attitude of Girls :
When a Boy Sends Dirty
SMS .
She Laughs For 10
Minutes,
Forwards That to Her
Friends
and..
Then Replies the Boy
I Don’t Like That Kind
of SMS!!
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Admin jalebi bech raha
tha,
lekin bola raha tha..
“Aaloo le lo aaloo” Santa: Yeh to jalebi hai..
Admin : Abe chup ho ja,
warna makkhiya aa jayegi!
Intelligent hai na apna
Admin!!
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Admin par bijli ka taar
gir gaya Admin tadap-tadap ke marne hi wala tha ki
achanak…
Use yaad aaya ki bijli
to 2 din se band hai..
Wapas uthkar, hanste hue
bola,
Aailaa..
Yaad nahin aata to mar
hi jaata!
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Height of Smiley Uses
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1st
Lady: Patni har janam me wahi pati kyun chahti hai? 2nd Lady: Taaki uss pati ko
sudharne me lagi mehnat bekaar na jaaye
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(WhatsApp
Status Part-I )
1). Two fundamentals of
cool life – Walk like you are the king OR walk like you don’t care ,who is the
king.
2). We live in a Dumb
Age where Smartphone’s are thinner and smarter, people are obese and stupid.
(Funny whatsapp status)
3). A single word can undoubtedly
be a repository of knowledge, provided you’re willing to learn something new.
4). Fight NOT To
Lose..Instead 0f Fighting To WIN
5). If people are
talking behind your back, then just fart.
6). Accept that some
days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
7). Anyone else sit on
the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished
10 minutes ago?
8). I can’t find the
reason why I like you. I believe that’s what love does.
9). Many beautiful
flowers in the world but my flower is you.You are most beautiful than others,I
Love you my lovely rose. !!
10). The problem is not
the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.
11). Yes , I m single ,
& You’ve to be damn beautiful to change it.;)
12). I act like I don’t
care, but deep inside, it hurts.
13). When there’s a
will, I want to be in it.
14). Laugh alone and the
world thinks you’re an idiot.
15). Stolen kisses are
always sweetest.
16). Are you the drug or
the cure?
17). The only way to fix
this situation is to go back to when you asked me out…and say no.
18). My two most HATED
words..”I PROMISE”..It doesn’t mean $hit to me!
19). Everyone else
thinks you’re an asshole.
20). Hatred can be
overcome only by love.
21). I am me and I won’t
change myself for anyone..!
22). Never do something
permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset.
23). Never hit a man
with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
24). Its better to be
lonely then to be played by wrong people.
25). Some people are
alive only, Because it’s illegal to kill them.
26). Ah, good ol’
trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
27). Fikar kar uski jo
teri fiqr kre, u to zindgi mai bhut hai hamdard
28). Don’t try to choose
which is not Urs..But..Don’t dare to loose which is only Urs
29). Dear Samsung,
please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.
30). Friendship isn’t a
big thing – it’s a million little things.
31). I tried to forget
you, but the harder I tried, the more I thought about you.
32). Nobody can teach me
who I am.
33). Touch it gently,
put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and
rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
34). A kiss makes the
heart young again and wipes out the years.
35). Friendship doubles
your joy and divides your sorrow.
36). The strawberry
shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.
37). “”My attitude
depends on the people in front of me….””
38). Laugh at your
obstacles everybody else does.
39). Dear math please
grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
40). I am always right,
Once i thought that I am wrong, But i was wrong.
41). Hey there….. be
there
42). The essence of
romantic love is that wonderful beginning, after which sadness and
impossibility may become the rule.
43). Kiss me and you
will see starts, Love me and i will give them to you.
44). I liked things
better when I didn’t understand them.
45). Take out ‘N’ out of
FRIEND, and you are cooked!
46). My heart beats only
for you..
47). Cheating is easy
try something challenging and be faithful.
48). My heart is now a
perfect place… with you inside it.
49). I’m cool but global
warming made me hot
50). There’s nothing
more precious in this world than the feeling of being wanted.
51). Dear people who
update their whatsapp message every 30 seconds, there’s Facebook for that
reason!
52). A goal properly set
is halfway reached
53). Forget the failures
and work hard for success
54). The Rose Speaks of
Love Silently, in a language known only to the Heart. Happy Rose Day!
55). I think love is
fearless.
56). Relationship
Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
57). It is only possible
to live happily ever after on a daily basis.
58). Phones are better
than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
59). I handed her 12
roses, 11 real and 1 fake, and said “I will love you till the last one dies”.
60). Be what you want to
be, not what other wants to see.
61). I am a better
investor because I am a businessman and a better businessman because I am an
investor. – Warren Buffett
62). “It takes 20 years
to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that,
you’ll do things differently.” -Warren Buffett
63). Happiness is not
the absence of problems. It’s the ability to deal with them.
64). If you want to be
rude then you should become a celebrity.
65). Pictures are worth
a thousand words.
66). One wise guy
invented mobile application Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen
feature 
??
??
67). I think you are
suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
68). One day someone
will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone
else.
69). Don’t let a bad day
make you feel like you have a bad life.
70). We are never ever
getting back together.
71). “’Different” and
‘New’ is relatively easy. Doing something that’s genuinely better is very
hard.” Sir Jony Ive, Apple
72). I wish I could
record my dreams so that i could watch dem later……
73). Stop worrying about
the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
74). The toughest part
of letting go is realizing that the other person already did.
75). Follow your heart
but take your brain with you.
76). I’ll love you till
my final breath.
77). All problems become
smaller if you don’t dodge them but confront them.
78). I think it’s weird
when I love you, I think it’s weird when I want you, when you don’t even know
I’m there!
79). You won’t have a
happy life if you worry about what others say about you.
80). Trust in God, But
lock your car.
81). Whenever i have a
problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.
82). The most painful
memory I have is of when I walked away and you let me leave.
83). When You Sit Alone
…You Sit With Your Past … 
84). At last got to know
how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right right then left and
repeat whenever offered any food
85). Failure is not an
option — it comes bundled with Windows.
86). Forget your past
forgive yourself and begin again.
87). face book is the
only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall
88). We do not remember
days, we remember moments.
89). Don’t choose the
one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world
beautiful.
90). The secret of life
is not to do what you like, but to like what you do.
91). You’re not perfect,
I am not as well, but together we are perfect.
92). I’m not slow….I’m
at energy saving mode.
93). I loved you…but I
guess that my love couldn’t save his… nothing could.
94). For every minute
you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
95). Silent people have
the loudest minds.
96). Thin, I am quick;
fat, I am slow.
97). Fall in love not in
line.
98). Sleep till you’re
hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy
99). Just because
something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that will never
happen.
100). All girls are my
sisters except you.
#Honey Collection
(WhatsApp Status Part-II )
1] This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.
2]
Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees
without brains .
3]
Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years… And then we met…!
4]
Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my watsapp status….
5]
formula for success…….under promise and over deliver…….
6] Good
morning…let the stress begin
7]
Don’t settle for good.Demand Great.
8]
I can see you checking my whatsapp status.B)
9]
Life is the art of drawing without a eraser.
11]
Hakuna Matata!!–the great motto to live life!!
12]
“Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.” – Warren Buffett
13]
since 1910
14]
Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.
15]
Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
16] Sometimes
i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth
it.
17]
move on…
18]
People are like music some say the truth and rest,just noise.
19]
We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
20]
It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miracously we live.
21] Love
is that state of mind when a karan johar film becomes bearable.
22]
Dream as if you’ll live forever..Live as if tomorrow is last one.
23]
Jidhar apna CRUSH hai , udhar hich sala RUSH hai and filhaal timepass k liye
only CANDYCRUSH he.
24]
My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity 
:p
:p
25] Always
remember you are UNIQUE………… just like everybody else. …….( more funny whatsapp
status)
26]
“Please don’t get confused between my personality & my attitude.My
personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!”.
27]
You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status.
28]
The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.
29] Don’t
be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.
30]
I just saved lot of money by lic life insurance ……..By not having any.
31]
At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right
then left and repeat whenever
offered
any food
32] Life
is too short. Dont waste it removing pen drive safely.
33]
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.
34]
Whattsapp status is loading.
35]
I may be wrong…. but i Doubt it!!!
36] Think
about it ..every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were
an idiot.
37]
Happiness is when “Last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing..”
38]
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t
say it.
39]
Too busy to update a status. 0_o
40]
Tried to loose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
41] I
will be back before you pronunce afjkhnfkualnfhukcakecnhkj.
42]
battery about to die.
43] I
was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this
girls phone and saw my
contact
name as “Free Recharge”
44] I
Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition 
45] Life
is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
46]
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On
my desk, I have a work
station..
47]
I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and
then leave me Alone.
48] Keep
moving! Nothing new to read…
49] Math
Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong. ……(best exam status)
50]
They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!!Soon I
will be a genius :-B
51]
Waiting for wi-fi network.
52]
If procrastination was an Olympic event ,I’d compete in it later.
53] One
more password got married…!!
54]
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the
ends.
55]
Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
56] There
are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-vegetarian &
Tuesday Saturday.
57] One
person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
58] Smile
today, tomorrow could be worse.
59]
I’ll try being nicer if you start being smarter.
60]
Love is that state of mind when a karan johar film becomes bearable.
61]
Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to monday????
62]
Status under construction.
63] Take
Life, one cup at a time!
64] I
have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life;…….. if I die
next Tuesday.
65] Life
is like photography, you use the negatives to develop.
66]
I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long.
67]
Scientist say the world is made up of Proton,Neutrons and Electrons…they forgot
to mention Morons like u
:);)
68]
Exams!!!!The most creative phase of life :):(
69]
Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
70]
Coins Always Make Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent! ?that’s why
i’m always Calm & Silent
71]
My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity :p
:p
72] One
day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
73]
Second chances are for loosers….either we do it in first place or live it for
others.
74]
I’m cool but global warming made me hot
75]
apni to bass ek hi zeed he…. sar pe Taaj… Sath me koi Khasss aur is kamini
duniya pe Raaaajjj !!…
(hindi)
76]
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving
them for you.
77]
Life is planning a pleasant curve for me.
78]
We live in a society were pizza gets to your house before police
79]
Life is too short. Dont waste it reading my watsapp status….
80]
One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp…..and his wife added last
seen feature
81]
Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life
82]
Don’t be happy.I don’t Really forgive people,I just pretend like it’s ok and
wait for my turn to destroy
them.
83] ”
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could
not hear the music.” –
Friedrich
Nietzsche
84] Stop
waiting for one Day. Today is the Day- Bang-Bang.
85]
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me
86]
I don’t like cocaine, i just like the way it smells;)
87]
Dear Mario…..I Wasted My Childhood Trying To Save Your Girlfriend.Now, you help
me to save mine.
88]
Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s
all worth it
89]
I started out with nothing and i still have most of it:)
90]
You are the product of 4 billion years of evolution, now fucking act like it.
……..(click for more
Attitude
status)
91]
My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
92]
I have decided to leave my past behind me ,so i owe you money…..sorry but I’ve
moved on.
93]
I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens,keys,smartphone,my temper
and even my mind.
94] If
you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
95]
Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill
gates:brilliant
mind…..ME:Never
Mind.
96]
I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an
Attitude to impress me!
97]
If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above
them’.
98]
I will marry the girl who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar card!!!!
99]
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
100]
I meditate for 20 min every morning …..It helps reduce stress of being 20 min
late for everything
101]
Hey there….. be there.
By:-
NAresh Solanki
(WhatsApp Jokes Part-II)
एक औरत अपनी जीभ पर कुमकुम चावल लगा रही थी।
पति: ये क्या कर रही हो?
पत्नी: आज Vishwakarma पूजा है,
शस्त्र पूजन कर रही हूं
******************************
दया: सर, ये तो
मर गया है।
ACP:
तलाशी
लो इसकी
दया: जेब में कुछ है,
सर ये तो प्रेम रतन धन पायो का टिकट है।
ACP:
इसका
मतलब समझे दया, आत्महत्या है यह।!!
************************************
गोलगप्पे खाने के बाद सुखी पापडी ना मिले तो..
लडकियाँ 10 sec के भीतर ही
दुर्गा का रूप धारण कर लेती हैँ !!
***********************************
विज्ञानं के टीचर ने छात्रो से पूछा…
“एलोवीरा” क्या होता है ?
छात्र: सर पंजाब मैं जब छोटा भाई
बड़े भाई को “व्हिस्की” का पेग बना के
देता है.. तो केहता है..”ए लो वीरा”!!
***********************************
इश्क़ में ये अंजाम पाया है,
हाथ पैर टूटे, मुँह
से खून आया है!
हॉस्पिटल पहुंचे तो नर्स ने फ़रमाया
बहारों फूल बरसाओ, किसी का आशिक़ आया है!
***************************************
Wife:
पूजा
किया करो, बलाएं टल जाएगी
Husband:
तेरे
बाप ने बहुत की होगी,
उसकी टल गयी, मेरे
पल्ले पड़ गयी!!
************************************
डॉक्टर:
तुम रोज सुबह क्लिनिक के बहार खड़े होकर औरतो को
क्यों घूरते हो?
सरदार: जी आप ने ही लिखा है,
“औरतो को देखने का समय सुबह 9 बजे से 11 बजे
तक!”
**************************************************
पति: कहाँ गायब थी 4 घंटे से?
बीवी: मॉल में गयी थी, शॉपिंग करने.
पति: क्या क्या लिया?
बीवी: एक हेयर बैंड और 45 selfies.
************************************
पुलिस दरवाजा खटखटाते हैं..
संता : कौन दरवाजा खटखटा रहा हैं?
पुलिस : हम पुलिस हैं, दरवाजा खोलो!
संता – क्यूँ
खोलू ?
पुलिस – कुछ
बात करनी हैं |
संता : तुम लोग कितने हो !
पुलिस : हम ३ हैं |
संता : तो सालों आपस में बात कर लो, मेरे पास टाइम नहीं है ।
*************************************************
Wife:
सुनो
जी, आपके Birthday के लिए
इतने MAST कपड़े लिए हैं ….
कि बस पुछो ही मत ..!
Husband
: Love u Janu ,
लाओ दिखाओ …
Wife:
हां, अभी पहन के आती हूं …
Husband
: :-O ?$%& …. !!!
*********************************
कुछ बच्चे सड़क पर अपने पटाखे जला रहे थे..
अभी एक पटाखे में चिंगारी लगाई ही थी की सामने
से एक आंटी आती दिखी . .
सब चिल्लाने लगे …
आंटी पटाखा है …
आंटी पटाखा है …
आंटी पटाखा है …
आंटी मुस्कराई और बोली :
नहीं रे पगलो, अब
पहले जैसी बात कहां।।।
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Santa
बस
में खड़ा था..
ब्रेक लगी तो एक लड़की पर जा गिरा;
लड़की: बत्तमीज़, क्या
कर रहे हो ?
Santa:
Engineering.. और आप
??
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पंडीत जी हवन करते समय एक
चम्मच घी आग में ङालते और
एक चम्मच घी अपने ङिबबे मे ङालते जा रहे थे!
पास बैठे अपने एडमिन साहब चिल्लाकर बोले,
“घृतम चोरम, घृतम चोरम !”
पंडीत जी एडमिन साहब को चुप कराते हुए बोले,
“पुत्र ना कर शोरम, ना कर शोरम!
आधा तोरम, आधा
मोरम”
ॐ स्वाह ॐ स्वाह ॐ स्वाह !!
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